To begin I need to say a few things so I don’t get sent to jail or hunted down by some guys that have a nice white jacket for me.

1) I am not a radical. This is a “What If” scenario. NOT MENT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY!!!

2) If this were actually done, I would think the G-men would know what to do to stop it by then.

3) It’s all in fun. It’s not a manifesto. Get over it.

So… ***DISCLAIMER!!!*** IF YOU FIND THAT READING SOMETHING THAT COULD POTENTIALLY OFFEND AN ENTIRE COUNTRY (pffft yeah right) THEN STOP VIEWING THIS IMMEDIATELY OR YOU’RE GOING DOWN WITH ME!!!

Now, that I’ve doomed us all, It’s time for….: “The End: Part 1″\

*insert applause here*

(The stage is black, a spotlight comes up on one man)

The state of The Nation is changing friends. A new President is in office, reality shows are pushed by the wayside to make room for, “Look at my stupid talent as I do a trick for your amusement” shows. 3-D Movies are making a comeback. Music is at it most repetitive. The Economy is in disparate need of repair.  The fear of what’s around the corner has a parylizing hold on nearly everyone. The Educational system is getting beaten to a pulp, and consolidation will be the order of the day.

Health care is faltering. People are sicker than ever and have pills thrown at the problem. Radiation treatments for those with cancer. Children with learning disabilities like autism, down syndrome, and attention deficit disorder are the most common in this day and age. Politicians are getting away with things you and I would most likely be arrested for. Treason is everywhere, on every car bumper, every billboard, every “opinion” section of every news paper. People are killing themselves over taxes being too high, not having a job, and war.

It is time for a change. In the coming days things will change. I am going to change them. By following a simple plan, I can take this nation over, reform the government and re-establish order to this once great nation.

(To Be Continued)

~AF~

***EDIT*** Eric Schulman wrote this. Not me. Awesome job Eric Schulman, way to drop science on conventional thought.

If you like his stuff and would like to see more, go here: http://members.verizon.net/~vze3fs8i/air/

The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciation. Homo sapiens manifestation. Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Civilization! Innovation. Exploration. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution. Election. Expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation Proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World conflagration. League of Nations. Suffrage extension. Depression. World conflagration. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. Reunification. Dissolution. World-Wide Web creation. Composition. Extrapolation?

Quick UPDATE!!!: I’ve been working a lot, and trying to straighten a few things out in my life and I can honestly say, I’ve been doing good. There are a few things, however, that need to be addressed. That is the purpouse of this post.

I am going to start writing again. I will be writing 3 series at one time. A task that is both daunting and stressful. I find that I need to do this. I have the ideas taking up too much space in my head, so it’s time for some spring cleaning. These 3 Series are called, “The Purge”…

Series 1: “The End”… This is a multi-part series on how to take over America. We as Americans need change to happen to fix this broken and separated country. View it as unpatriotic, terrorism, even treason if you will, but do not forget that this could actually happen, and may happen in the near future if things don’t start changing. I am just writing it as a way to vent frustrations about this country. It’s not that I hate America, or the American people, or even Obama, it’s a way for me to express how I would change things. Do you know what the most shocking thing about all of this is? IT COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN JUST THE WAY I WRITE IT…

Series 2: “Why?”… This is something I’ve been toying with ever since I ate a plate of spaghetti and watched someone shove a needle into the pupil of an eye ball that had somehow lost it’s owner on CSI one night. It’s going to be about how we need to change what entertainment is and that we view as entertainment. The reason I’m writing this is because the death of the Luger and it’s plain to see that I’m not the only one that feels this way…

Series 3: “(Untitled Story)”… Now this one is going to be my baby. This is something that’s been ratteling around upstairs for over a decade. and with the internet and the invention of the stumble button I can actually start puting it into words and pictures. It’s about a man living in a society that is, eerily similar to our own. I’ve tried to hand write and type this for many years but have always had a distraction. This (I hope) will be what I am remembered for…

So that’s all for now. Expect the first step of “The Purge” by Saturday at 3:00 P.M. I thought about doing one part for each each day but that will drain me creatively, so I settled on: doing one, then another, then another about every 3 days depending on when I work. I just ask that you put your feelings for the topics aside and read them for what they will be…Completely Insane…

~AF~

quick update:

Devs, a friend of mine for the longest time has decided it’s a good time to come visit The Wife and I. My only worry is if they (the wife and devs) will get along or not. It’s a big worry. I just hope I dont make an ass of myself infront of either woman, especially The Wife.

more posts due soon i promise.

That, however, is not my point. In TDG the girl has “12:13″ tattooed on her arm, which prompts a mortition to Google the phrase and she gets a bible verse. So I thought, “Why not do the same thing.” What a mistake that turned out to be.

Wikipedia for November 13th came up first.

Then something about the Illumanati (oh Illumanati is in there but movie isn’t? what the hell!)

The next page available will be posted in it’s entirety.

Here’s the page, http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/13-11.htm

And this is what you read when you come to it.

New International Version (©1984)
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

New Living Translation (©2007)
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

International Standard Version (©2008)
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995)
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways.

King James Bible
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

American King James Version
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

American Standard Version
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things.

Bible in Basic English
When I was a child, I made use of a child’s language, I had a child’s feelings and a child’s thoughts: now that I am a man, I have put away the things of a child.

Douay-Rheims Bible
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child.

Darby Bible Translation
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I reasoned as a child; when I became a man, I had done with what belonged to the child.

English Revised Version
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things.

Webster’s Bible Translation
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Weymouth New Testament
When I was a child, I talked like a child, felt like a child, reasoned like a child: when I became a man, I put from me childish ways.

World English Bible
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away childish things.

Young’s Literal Translation
When I was a babe, as a babe I was speaking, as a babe I was thinking, as a babe I was reasoning, and when I have become a man, I have made useless the things of the babe;

Now any of you that know me know this is not me. I am far from being a man. I’m perhaps the biggest (metaphorically and literally) “child at heart” in the world! I play with toys, watch cartoons, and eat cocoa pebbles! Granted, I can be a man when the need arises, but I don’t want to grow up yet. I miss playing cops and robbers with the neighbour kids, riding bikes and thinking that it’s “wicked” that I can jump over a parking block. or busting out toy cars to play on a big mat. Even playing with micro-machines with my older brother.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if the life of a man was a big ass toy, I’d be happy playing with the cardboard box.

~END~

December 2nd was the last time I posted anything and it was about an incident at a bar, then subsequently the disaster at home. Not a lot has happened since then. But I PROMISE WILL TRY to post a few blogs tonight. As for now, I’m going to eat something, do a little dance, spin in a circle, punch a hobo, kick a puppy, and defecate on a public staircase while whistling “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” from Evita as loud as possible dressed as a JESUSCHRISTALLMIGHTYmas tree.

Quote of the day: “You’re so wierd.”

Response: Thank you, I like being compaired to old school Disney (all hail THE company lest we be smited by their dancing brooms) show’s that have no relevance at all with today’s “Post-9/11, Post-White-domination-of-the-white-house, Post-cereal” world that we now live in…thank you terrorism…thanks a fucking lot.

The Aerosmith Incident:

It was a chilly March evening a while back, and a friend of mine had called me up and was like, “You going to go to the bar with me? I’ll buy you a beer…” That’s all it took to start the ball rolling on a night that would both scar and frighten me. So there we were, getting frisked by the bouncer for guns and things, paying a $10.00 cover charge to get into a bar we’d never been to, to see something we’ve never seen: Massive amounts of women. Literally TONS! So me being the ever so suave guy I am, I picked one and said (in a typical Wayne Campbell style), “THAT ONE! She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.” This beautiful little bombshell was gorgeous: Legs so long, if you were to kiss each inch of them you’d need to set up camp halfway up the calf, vibrant blonde hair that would make Barbie purge herself more than she already does. Eyes that you could literally get lost in. Along with, perhaps, the largest, perkiest, firmest, breasts you could ever imagine.

I did a ring check…nothing. I watched her for a bit. No guys at her table, and no girls waving giant phallic objects indicating a soon to be married bride near by. It was perfect. I ordered a rum and coke after hearing that a special was going on, and talked my friend into purchasing a dirty martini for the girl I had my eye on and had seen patiently waiting for her drink. I grasp the drinks (the sweat on the glass masking the sweat on my palm), and head over to her on a mission. I offer her the martini and she smiles taking the glass. I introduce myself, extending my hand. She takes it and tells me her name is Shay. Shay and I hit it off. Her being a student in college, me working for a retailer. We speak of her travels through life, and mine. We spent nearly an hour on New York and Canada alone.

After 2 hours, I am putty in this woman’s hands. She’s got herself planted in the seat next to me whispering into my ear as the loud trance music booms around us. Then she looks at me and says firmly, “You aren’t a girl are you?”

“No.”

“Oh! Thank God, because if one more girl hits on me it’s on like Donkey Kong!”

My heart melted instantly. I knew this was the girl for me! Then something happened that made me adore her that much more. A song (that will remain nameless due to the fact I want to keep my man card) came on and she set down her drink and bolted up to a stage and started dancing and singing along. No removing of clothes, just some sexy drunk girl dancing and belting out one hell of a tune, and DAMN! what a set of pipes on that woman. I knew as soon as she got down I was going to kiss her. She made it about 12 feet in those 6 inch, “Yeah, I know. I’m hot!” pumps and I grabbed her, dipped her and kissed that woman deeply in front of everyone there. Some laughed, some cheered. Some screamed out, “THAT FAT FUCK HAS SHAY, GET HIM!” and just like that, I fell in love.

Nearly 5 hours after my friend and I had arrived, I had found a sexy woman to chat with, so had my friend. We all decided to go back to my friend’s place and further our evenings with free booze instead of 3 dollar wells (that’s mixed alcohol not beer for those of you not in the know). While I play bartender (something that, to this day, I am still very good at), Said friend, her friend, and Shay all chit-chat. I come out as the hero of the evening when I show the girls how Bacardi 151 catches fire (because it’s 75% alcohol).

As the iPod on the dock starts to kick into some Marvin Gay, we all know that it’s time to depart. Friend and her friend head to the bedroom while Shay and I lounge on the giant couch. We cuddle as friend and co. giggle and frolic in the satin fields through the wall behind us. We start to make out. Kissing, touching, down right grinding and something is jabbing my side. I reach into my pocket and pull out my keys. We get situated again and she moves over top me and kisses my neck….

I get prodded once again and opt against removing the pants, instead I empty my pockets on the floor and resume making out. After an hour, Shay says she wants a bit more attention. So I move into what I love best and start to kiss up her thighs. She smiles. A little higher. She giggles. A bit higher and she’s rocking her hips in anticipation… I grasp the waist band of her g-string and slowly pull it down in the soft glow lavender scent in the air from the candles throughout the room. I tug it down, past her curvaceous posterior, and….

BAM! Get poked in the eye.

“…” I said.

“…Are you fucking kidding me?…” I said.

I looked again…

“Dude….literally…..dude…WTF?”

Friend and her friend come out…

“…” They said.

” Dude…” said friend

“Dude…” I replied.

“Seriously? Dude…” Friends friend uttered.

“Dude…” I retorted.

All of us stood there looking at Shay. Shay could only respond with, “What?”

And in unison we screamed, “DUDE!”

Shay jumped up taking items and bolted, never to be seen again, and after giving me 8 much-needed shots of vodka, as well as a few ears to talk to and a shoulder or two to cry on I sat alone on the sofa, staring at the ceiling contemplating the evenings events. Friend and Friend’s Friend headed back to bed hand in hand and after a brief coital battle, they uttered the phrase of the evening…”Dude.”

But one phrase and one phrase only could not have been held back from my lips as the images of what I had seen played through my mind like a DVD player stuck on A-B repeat…

—

—

—

So Never judge a book by it’s cover, or who you’re going to love by your lover

Love put me wise to her love in disguise She had the body of a venus

Lord Imagine my surprise…

Dude Looks Like a Lady….

End.

~K~

I feel like I’ve neglected the whole 2 of you that read this, by not posting as often. Between this, work, home, and dicking around with friends solving mysteries and whatnot, I just flat haven’t had the time. I’ve also been working on 3 projects that will come as a surprise for those of you that read this.

1) The first project is nearly finished. It’s a series of my FB notes and things.

2) The second project is a secret…but not a well kept one. I am going to be posting a series of blogs on STBT about things I feel each of you need on your computer to make me feel like I’m not trying to teach a duck to wear pants.

3) The third is a video. When Completed it will put all of you to shame.

that’s all for the moment, I need to throw a pizza in the oven shortly and I feel like another beer.

~K~

*(update: I Posted a picture of yours truly in a tux…say YAY! and play the Hitchcock Theme.

While out drinking with my friend Layc, and a mutual friend Libeeba, (sorry to L for butchering the spelling of her name), L turns to me and says, “You should start a band.” I nearly spit out what ever type of beer happened to be on special that evening and said between coughs, “What?”

Her proposition was simple: Start a band with L as a singer. Being in a band consists of 3 basic principals…

1) Write music.

2) Write words.

3) Entertain people by figuring out how to meld said music with said words into a semi-coherent babbling tune with a quasi catchy chorus/hook.

As I said…simple. But in it’s simplicity lies it complication. Having never listened to L sing (aside from the belting of an Incubus or Dave Matthews tune in Layc’s old apartment), I saw the potential for destruction. While I personally can write the words to any number of melodies very shortly (if given a subject), I can’t sing well at all. I can also only play basic chords and rhythems on guitar. I can provide a better baseline than most, and I can keep time with drums. The only downfall is I don’t own any instruments. Now, anyone can hammer out a drumbeat with FL studio and anyone can sing with Auto-tune, but when I hit a chance to actually play  drums or guitar or whatever, I obsess about it for days. Playing constantly.

So even if L can’t sing, and I can’t play, we could still be famous. Just look at Brittany Spears, or Black Eyed Peas.

I’ve been going over my writings and the melodies I’ve scribbled down and I think I have enough room for at least 1 album and 2 hit songs.

Soon you may be hearing: Ladies and Gentlemen, Introducing….(Name Withheld)

(More on this coming as it develops. Right now, I have to go eat and walk a dog.)